3 communication tips from the kid with a mullet

Culture

3 communication tips from the kid with a mullet

Written By Bailey Thompson

I once worked with a hockey team who had a player on it with one of the best mullets known to man. I’m talking Marty McSorley ¹ level mullet. It was a long light brown flow that had just the right curl on the ends. And the best part was that this majestic head of hair was on the tiny body of a 9-year-old.

Coaches aren’t supposed to have favorites, but this player definitely was mine. And not because he had great hockey hair, but because of the way he listened and communicated with his teammates.

I worked with his team as a Certified Mental Performance Consultant, and one day we were talking about communication. In order to demonstrate this to a team of 9 and 10 year olds, I had them participate in an activity I call “Got your back.” ² Basically, the athletes were in teams of 3 and I showed one person from their team a picture. They then went back to their group and drew the picture on one person’s back, who in turn explained how to draw the picture to the final player. The point was how well they could communicate with each other (through drawing and verbal directions) and see who could create a drawing as close to the original picture as possible.

The athletes had a blast with it, originally assuming it would be easy but quickly realizing a turtle is harder to draw and explain than you think. Many groups got so frustrated they either gave up or cheated, whispering into one another’s ears when they thought I wasn’t looking.³

But my mullet-haired friend was different. And this is why he was a great demonstration of communication, and his team did the best out of any. Specifically, he did three things: 1) He was driven to accomplish the goal, 2) He listened to his teammates, and 3) He conveyed his message clearly.

Be Driven to Accomplish Your Goals

In order to be a good communicator you must first understand your own goals – what vision are you trying to communicate? A good athletic director, coach, or leader of any kind has a clear understanding of what their vision is.

To establish a clear vision, it is helpful to ask yourself these questions:

What does success look like to you?
What do you personally hope to get out of it?
What do you hope your team gets out of it?
What needs to happen in order to achieve this success?
Is your team currently on board? If not, what needs to change?

When talking about vision, a few well-known coaches come to mind. For example, the infamous Herb Brooks quote, “You were born to be hockey players… this is your time!” Another example is the book Toughness ⁴ by Jay Bilas, a testament to the phenomenal coaching career of Mike Krzyzewski. Coach K, as he was known, emphasized the importance of values when it comes to vision. ⁵ Another common association with vision in the Midwest is PJ Fleck’s mantra, “Row the Boat.” ⁶

All these coaches have taken time to think through their vision, their goals, and are driven to stop at nothing to accomplish them.

Listen to Your Team

It’s easy to think of communication as the way you are going to talk to your team. But there is a reason grandma told you that “You have two ears and one mouth”. A team who feels heard is more likely to be bought into the vision.

Listening is the most critical skill when it comes to communication, because without it we would not be able to produce substantial and meaningful responses. ⁷ Let’s break down being a good listener into 4 qualities. ⁸

Empathy – this is like walking a mile in someone else’s shoes. The ability to see things from another’s perspective.

Patience – Trust doesn’t happen in one conversation. A good listener allows others to speak uninterrupted, hurried, or cut off.

Curiosity – Ask genuine follow up questions about someone’s story. This not only shows you’re listening but that you want to understand them more.
Lifelong Learning – This one might be surprising, but a good listener assumes they don’t know everything. Approach every single conversation with the goal of gaining new and valuable insight.

A leader who listens is one who will build trust, vulnerability, and buy-in with their team. This will allow the entire team to be on board with the vision, driven to accomplish the goals set ahead of them.

Convey Your Messages Clearly

A strong vision and good listening skills are useless unless you can provide your team with a roadmap to get to where you want to go. This is where the talking side of communication comes in.

In my communication activity, “Got your back”, my athletes had to clearly tell each other what to draw. Saying, “draw a circle” wasn’t good enough. How big is the circle? What part of the paper should it go in? Should I leave room for something to go in it?

Instead, the athletes learned a critical skill of being clear with their message – something adults often forget. We’ll tell our team: “I want to see you improve your performance.” But how? What specifically do they need to improve? What areas are they doing well and shouldn’t change?

Clear expectations set the groundwork for improved communication. ⁹ If expectations are not met, accountability has to happen. I’ve always preferred a “give it to ‘em straight” approach, rather than sugar coating around the issue. If expectations are clear, it should make it simpler to explain how or why the individual has fallen short.

That being said, everyone is different. There is no “one size fits all” approach to communication. One thing is certain, everyone wants to be respected.

I want to take a second to mention one more thing…

A conversation around communication can send bells ringing in your ears saying “I’ve heard all of this before!” But let me ask you this… why do you think it’s talked about so much?

Whether this is your first time hearing about vision, listening, and clear communication, or you’ve heard it for the hundredth time: soak it up. Whoever came up with the phrase “Communication is key!” wasn’t lying. 9 times out of 10 I regret under-communicating rather than over-communicating.

I’ve seen first hand the way athletes can be transformed just from one conversation with their coach about why they made the decision they did. Instant confidence can result. Obviously it’s important to be conscious of what and how we are saying things, but the effects can be significant.

So even if you feel like you communicate better than anyone you know, keep being a lifelong learner. There’s always more to learn or something new to take away.

My mullet-haired friend did this. Unlike the others, he knew the activity would be challenging. But rather than give up and get frustrated, he talked his way through it, being patient with his teammates and persevering until the end. It makes me realize that there is something we can always learn, even from 9-year-old kids with great hair.

About the author

bailey thompson

Bailey is the CPO for Axon Athletics. She is also a Certified Mental Performance Consultant through the Association for Applied Sport Psychology. During her time as a college athlete, she captained the varsity hockey team at Bethel University. Following graduation, she completed her masters degree in sport and performance psychology from California Baptist University.

1. Pictures of Marty McSorley’s mullet

2. Interested in the “Got Your Back” activity. Click here for this link.

3. Like many coaches … I hear and see all.

4. I highly recommend “Toughness.” You can find it on Amazon here.

5. Learn more from Coach K regarding Values Based Leadership

6. Read PJ Fleck’s book, “Row the Boat.” You can find it on Amazon here.

7. Renukadevi, D. (2014). The role of listening in language acquisition: the challenges & strategies in teaching listening. International Journal of Education and Information Studies, 4(1), 59-63.

8. Learn more about being a good listener here.

9. Read more on setting clear expectations with your team here.

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